Scouts and Cookies and the F*cking Paramilitary

I remember being a brownie as a little girl on the east coast.

Surprisingly, none of my scouting memories have left me with any particular trauma like so many of my childhood memories have. I believe I even remember standing on a school stage at six or seven and reciting their pledge at that time.

I no longer recite any pledges or group think chants because of my strong belief in individuality and because so many of them happen to include the word “god”.

I also vaguely remember going door to door, and being stationed outside of malls wearing my well-rehearsed smile and selling those famous boxes of cookies a time or two.

More than twenty years ago, I read an incredibly long book on the history of chairman Mao where his acts of infiltrating children’s scouting groups and then manipulating those children into becoming his warriors of hate were poignantly detailed.

I also know how these same tactics were used by the Nazi party in Germany.

So, before I had my own children, I already knew that there would was no way I was going to sign my kids up as members of – in my belief - a para-military group for children – that was highly vulnerable to political influence.

I still bought cookies sometimes, before my gluten allergy reared its ugly head, (yes, I am aware that they now sell GF cookies). Once, I think I even bought popcorn from a little boy in the neighborhood who was very adorable.

Something always sort of struck me strangely about it, though. The cookies, the rehearsed smiles, the gobs of money that they must have been pulling in…

It finally dawned on me several years ago to start doing a little digging, and my hunch definitely panned out. It really isn’t that difficult to put it all together, but I was rather horrified when I finally did.

The smiles, and the sweet faces, and the hard work of those already overworked scouting moms – it’s all free labor that the cookie companies, and obviously, the scouting organizations, benefit from solely.

They explain themselves by saying that the little girls are learning the value of hard work. They say that they are learning about the economy and how goods are exchanged. They say that the children are garnering a sense of pride and accomplishment by getting out there and selling.

Last I checked though, free child labor is looked down upon pretty harshly in our country. I did find out that those boxes of cookies that families order to have on hand - for direct sales in front of the grocery or what not - they literally have to eat the cost of, (or literally eat), at RETAIL,  if they don’t manage to sell them all. That’s a pretty shitty fucking deal, and don’t forget, that not all scouts come from families that have a lot of extra cash. In fact, there are tons of scouting clubs in underprivileged areas in this country.

Additionally, all of that talk of learning how to speak to people and give a good sales pitch – don’t we all really know that it is the cuteness, and pigtails, and little uniforms that get people to buy the cookies from those smiling faces?

So, what message is this all really sending to little girls? Use your looks to sell a product that you are getting essentially conned into selling without getting paid one single penny for your hard work?

Gee, I wonder how many NFL cheerleaders were former brownies. Are they still out there selling calendars to supplement their miniscule salaries and make ends meet?

I know the reason that half of parents out there let children do most of the things that they do is because of societal pressure. I know that little Kayla’s best friend Tara is a brownie and Kayla has been begging and begging you to go, and I know you don’t want to break her sweet little heart.

Would you rather hand her over to the people that are trying to take this country over? Do you want to take a chance on what that sort of grooming could turn her into in five years?

Supporting all of that? Well, I just can’t do it.